One problem with familiarity with the Scripture is that we easily miss the raw and painful edge of a familiar story. As we sit in comfortable surroundings, reading the Scripture on the elegantly-printed pages of our leather-bound Bibles, the deep reality of the situation can be lost. Things that should elicit a painful wince become just an interesting fact that we skim over.

We find such a verse in 1 Chronicles 4:9 “Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother named him Jabez, saying, ‘I gave birth to him in pain.’ “

Pause and really think about that. Jabez literally means “sorrow-maker.” Anytime his mother called him to dinner, he heard “Sorrow-maker who caused me pain, come and eat.” Each time he introduced himself he was saying, “Hi, my name is Sorrow-maker. I cause pain.” Think of the jokes that were made at his expense. Jabez’s theme song could have been that B.B. King hit “Nobody loves me but my mother, and she could be jivin’ too.” (copyright Riley King 1993) Feel the shame he grew up with as he was constantly reminded that his birth brought pain and sorrow. Can you sense the heaviness of having to carry that around with you?

From this beginning point, verse 10 follows. “Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm, so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.”

1 Chronicles 4:10 is a familiar verse. I have seen it printed on everything, including hubcap covers… I wish I were  joking. But this is not just a nice-sounding prayer to put on a greeting card. In light of the weight that Jabez carried his whole life of being the one who causes pain and sorrow, hear this prayer rising from Jabez’s spirit, the way I believe it was intended.

“Jabez cried out for help in a loud voice and pleaded, ‘Please bless me, bless me! And multiply many times my territory. Give me your strength and keep me from the painful evil, so that it may not grieve me or vex me.” And God gathered and brought together what he sought and begged for.”

Jabez was not a hoarder who was trying to just get more stuff from God. He was an honorable man, crying out to his Father to restore the fullness of what He had made him to be that had been tainted by everyone around him, including his mother. Every time someone called his name, it chipped away at the core identity that God created in him. Jabez was crying out for what was rightfully his in God.

We may not have grown up in the circumstances that are as painful as Jabez, but our spirits share a similar longing for all that God has for us. Let’s not settle for less, but join Jabez in crying out, Lord, bless me, expand my territory, be with me, keep me from evil, and thank you, God, for granting my requests.

Prayer

Jabez, knowing his continuing need, kept calling on the name of God,

1. Bless me indeed. Do in my life unhindered everything You had in mind when You created me (Exo. 33:12b).

2. Enlarge my life. Accomplish Your perfect will, unobstructed by me. Make my character match my assignment, and show me Your glory (Exo. 33:12, 16-19).

3. Be with me. I must have the touch of Your gracious presence. Go before me, carry me through, come behind me, give me Your words, give me Your wisdom and power (Exo. 33:13-15).

4. Keep me from temptation, and deliver me from evil (Matt. 6:13). Direct my steps away from all that is not of You (Ps. 119:133). Keep me in the fear of the Lord (Deut. 10:12-13) and the righteousness of Jesus Christ, and let me stand in the gap for others (Eze. 22:30). Let me not hurt others, nor their reputations, and thereby temporarily separate myself from Your pleasure (Exo. 34:6-9). I don’t want to feel Your intervention against me on behalf of others when I am their accuser. All Your covenant intervention that I count on for me is available against me when I lift my hands or my words to attack others.

5. Open heaven’s storehouses because I am fervently seeking You, Your presence and Your glory (Ps. 104:28). In Jesus’ name, amen.

Philip. 2:1-11 (MsgB)
If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— [2] then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. [3] Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. [4] Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
[5] Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. [6] He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. [7] Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! [8] Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.
[9] Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, [10] so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, [11] and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.

Look how Carnegie says it:

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important–and do it sincerely.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Begin in a friendly way.
• Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Almighty God, and most merciful father, who didst command the children of Israel to offer a daily sacrifice to thee, that thereby they might glorify and praise thee for thy protection both night and day, receive, O Lord, my morning sacrifice which I now offer up to thee; I yield thee humble and hearty thanks that thou has preserved me from the danger of the night past, and brought me to the light of the day, and the comforts thereof, a day which is consecrated ot thine own service and for thine own honor. Let my heart, therefore, Gracious God, be so affected with the glory and majesty of it, that I may not do mine own works, but wait on thee, and discharge those weighty duties thou requirest of me, and since thou art a God of pure eyes, and wilt be sanctified in all who draw near unto thee, who doest not regard the sacrifice of fools, nor hear sinners who tread in thy courts, pardon, I beseech thee, my sins, remove them from thy presence, as far as the east is from the west, and accept of me for the merits of thy son Jesus Christ, that when I come into thy temple, and compass thine altar, my prayers may come before thee as incense; and as thou wouldst hear me calling upon thee in my prayers, so give me grace to hear thee calling on me in thy word, that it may be wisdom, righteousness, reconciliation and peace to the saving of the soul in the day of the Lord Jesus. Grant that I may hear it with reverence, receive it with meekness, mingle it with faith, and that it may accomplish in me, Gracious God, the good work for which thou has sent it. Bless my family, kindred, friends and country, be our God & guide this day and for ever for his sake, who lay down in the Grave and arose again for us, Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.

Every year I ask God, “What are You saying to me for the new year? What are You doing in my life? Give me a verse or a prayer for the year.” At times God has been amazingly succinct. “Pray, ‘Lord, teach me to pray.’ ” or “Pray, ‘Show me Your glory.’ ” As I have prayed those prayers, God has outdone Himself, doing amazing things to answer them.

One year God answered me with “The prayer of Jabez.” The story can be found in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. “Jabez was more honorable than his brothers… Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, ‘Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.’ And God granted his request.”

That remarkable prayer lit the fire of my heart for God’s possibilities in five short phrases. Be extravagantly blessed as God expands your borders through praying this prayer with us for the next three weeks. Journal your own Jabez evidences of God at work in your life and write more Jabez prayers in your own words. God delights to hear and answer this prayer.

Prayer

1. Bless me indeed. You are the blesser from whose hand every good thing comes. I want a front-row seat on a life of Your miracles (Mark 16:20).

2. Enlarge my territory. I boldly ask that You expand Your kingdom through me. Thrust me into the mainstream of Your plans, way beyond my ability, and accomplish them by the exhaustless energy of Your Holy Spirit and in the freshness of Your holy Word (Acts 1:8). Make my prayer life and my life in Your Spirit match my assignment.

3. Be with me. I am totally dependent on seeing Your strong hand on everything that touches me. I see before me human impossibilities, which is the realm of incredible blessing that You specialize in (Matt. 19:26).

4. Keep evil far from me. Help me stand confidently against the enemy when I have stirred up the hosts of darkness with Kingdom invasion. Keep me relying on the sharp weapons of Your warfare (Eph. 6:12-18). Help me give no quarter to the enemy. Free me from ground I have given him. It is said that one love will quench another. With passion for Jesus, quench my pet sins of pride, judgment, anger, and impatience. Spirit of the living God, cleanse me of insensitivity, hardness, indifference, ignorance, and shallowness.

5. God, answer my request. Live in me a life that is totally explainable only that it’s You, God (Isa. 65:24). In Jesus’ name, amen.

While the person you are irritated with may never change, understanding a few basic concepts will at least ease your frustration. Allow me to share a few simple guidelines when dealing with difficult people.

First, treat the difficult person the way you want to be treated. It’s a timeless principle, but timeless for a reason. It’s effective. You may never change the behavior patterns of the difficult people in your organization, but when you model courteous, professional behavior, hopefully somewhere down the line they will get a clue.

A difficult person, more times than not, is that way by choice. An advisor to President Lincoln suggested a certain candidate for Lincoln’s cabinet. But Lincoln refused, saying, “I don’t like the man’s face.” “But sir, he can’t be responsible for his face,” insisted the advisor. “Every man over forty is responsible for his face,” replied Lincoln, and the subject was dropped. Just as you are responsible for your face, so is that difficult person. It’s not your responsibility to change him, just treat him the way you want to be treated.

Second, take the high road. Lowering yourself to the level of that difficult person is never the answer. Don’t allow yourself to be drawn in to another’s bad behavior by behaving bad yourself. Keep your emotions and attitude in check. Don’t be like the man who was told by his physician, “Yes indeed, you do have rabies.” Upon hearing this, the patient immediately pulled out a pad and pencil and began to write. Thinking the man was making out his will, the doctor said, “Listen, this doesn’t mean you’re going to die. There is a cure for rabies.” “Oh, I know that,” the man said. “I’m just making a list of all the people I’m going to bite.”

John Maxwell said, “The disposition of a leader is important because it will influence the way the followers think and feel. Great leaders understand that the right attitude will set the right atmosphere, which enables the right responses from others.” When difficult people surround you, take the high road, perhaps others will follow you. But if not, then heed to advice of my next point.

Third, protect the morale and productivity of your organization. As a leader, it’s your duty to protect your team’s integrity and morale. Allowing a difficult person to continue on in his or her job, in the end, may cause more harm than good. As someone once said, “What you tolerate, you promote.”

Treating the difficult person the way you want to be treated, taking the high road, and protecting morale are key components of your leadership. When people in your office are walking on egg shells around a difficult person, it can be a messy situation. Do your team a favor- act with compassion, act with conviction, and act quickly.

The Samurai were soldiers of feudal Japan who dedicated their lives entirely to their lords. In fact, the very title of samurai means “one who serves.” Legends of their skill, sacrifice, and service have been passed down for hundreds of years. As Christians, we are called to be both servants and soldiers of Christ.

There are three classes of people: those who have been in the desert, those still in the desert, and those who have your day coming in the desert!  If you have been there, you need no explanation from me.  If you haven’t been there, no words of mine will explain it to you.  It is not a popular topic, and God’s people perish for lack of knowledge.

Being “on the backside of the desert” is not a self-inflicted inconvenience or a detour because of our spiritual slackness.  It is one of God’s major destinations for those He wants to take deeper.  He is deliberate in leading us into the desert to speak tenderly to us and to make our trouble a gateway of hope.  God says, “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope” (Hosea 2:14-15).  There we give ourselves to Him in a new way, and He affirms to us that we are bound to Him forever in righteousness, justice, unfailing love, and compassion (Hosea 2:19-20).

God has purposes and blessings for us in the desert and afterward.  From there, we will know Him as Lord more deeply.  He wants to sharpen our listening skills to His voice alone.  He wants us to know that the only proper response when there is nothing we can control is to trust that He is in control, and He can’t get it wrong.  He wants to show us that there are only two places to go: down and out, or right up into His lap.  He gets us where we can’t move in our flesh, because He must do everything of eternal significance by His Spirit.  In the heat of the desert, He burns up or blows away all the wood, hay, and stubble of our pride, confidence, and striving.

The Bible says that John the Baptist grew strong in spirit in the desert (Luke 1:80).  There, he preached the message of the new entrance of God into the affairs of earth (Matt. 3:1).  The Holy Spirit led Jesus into the desert (Matt. 4:1, Luke 4:1).  Luke 4:14 tells us that Jesus came out of the desert in the power of the Spirit and preached his first public sermon: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4:18-19).  This was His mission statement for the three years of His earthly ministry and His ultimate ministry to us and for us.

What lies ahead?  Based on the experience of the Israelites, we can expect more giant obstacles, more resistance by the heathen and hell itself, fiercer battles, and more confrontation with the forces of darkness.  That is the bad news.  The good news is that there are great things to come: more positioning as the Body of Christ to move corporately, more victories, more blessings, more light, more power in the anointing of the Holy Spirit, more of His presence, and more of His glory made manifest in our world.  For the joy set before us… !

Listen to Zephaniah 3:17. “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Listen again from the Amplified Bible. “The Lord Your God is in the midst of you, a mighty One, a Savior who saves! He will rejoice over you with joy. In his love he will rest in silent satisfaction. He will exult over you with singing.”

Receive your Father’s smile today. All the affectionate imagery you can muster is only a dim picture of how he feels about you. You have not yet heard or seen or known the majesty of all his great love. You have longed and ached for a father’s embrace, and you have a Father whose heart longs for you. Be blessed as you receive his embrace. Look into his eyes to see him and yourself reflected there. He loves you in the way you were created to be loved. He loves you with his love as strong as death. He has come to overwhelm you with his love. He will pour out over your life everything you need. He has saved the best till now.

One thing is necessary: live at his feet and rest in his presence. Let his peace permeate your mind. Let his love calm your heart. As your Abba delights in his Beloved Son in whom he is well pleased, he delights in you in the same way, because he is in you and you are in him. The prayer of Jesus was “Father, let them know deeply that as you love me, so you love them, they in me and I in you” (John 17:21,26 paraphrased). He loves you beyond anything you deserve or can earn.

Let his love be the foundation of your life, and you will be filled again and again in all the promises he has spoken to you. He wants you to know that you are beloved in the Beloved Son and complete in the finished work of the cross, where he dealt with all sin, wounds, words, and other hurtful things that separate you from his love. God delights in you. There’s power in that little phrase. “I am the one God likes.” We need to live in this truth: “God LIKES me” today, every day, every moment. That doesn’t mean we do everything right, but when we do something wrong, we come to a throne of grace and find mercy to help us in our need. Be blessed as you receive mercy and grace there, that empowering presence of the Spirit to believe the truth and live in it. Allow God to remove all that causes offense.

Coach your soul to let go of the past, the pain, the problems. Turn your back on them as you face your Father. Be blessed with joy and a different peace and a greater rest than you have ever known. Be blessed with refreshing and renewal in his presence, as you pursue all that he has created you for.

Spirit, be blessed in your Father’s house where there’s a party in your honor, to celebrate you, just as in Luke 15. He is an extravagant Father. Be blessed as he rejoices over you with great gladness. Be blessed in the wonderful sound of the Lord himself exulting over you in happy song.